June 19, 2008

Watch the author!

Robin S has cast the gauntlet, and I'd be fool indeed not to rise to her challenge, as others have done. I chose to read some of my own work, a poem called "be it resolved" about Laura Tiffany Tate McSmother, which I wrote earlier this year. The grainy, dark video is crappy at best, and the sound sucks, but at least I look like a bum. (For those of you who are endlessly interested in my hat, you will see that it is on backwards. I did this to allow the light onto my face, but it turns out I probably should have kept it on straight. And also worn a paper bag. But that might have killed the sound altogether. Which, come to think of it, would have been a double bonus.)

be it resolved
Laura Tiffany Tate McSmother
had it in for her little brother.
She'd punch one arm and then the other
and run away when he'd tell mother.

Oh, She was cruel and she was sly.
She'd pull his hair and make him cry,
then pour Tabasco in his eye,
and whisper "Joey, Mamma hopes you die."

When Christmas time approached this year,
and Santa asked if she'd been dear,
she said, "You bet your big, fat rear,"
and grinned all toothy, ear to ear.

But Santa must have seen her soul
cuz in her stocking he left coal.
She wept into her breakfast bowl
and vowed herself a New Year's Goal.

"I won't set Joey's hair afire
or call my little brother 'liar'
or wrap him up in fishing wire
or tie him to the pickup's tire.

I won't paint his favorite teddy green
or switch his juice for gasoline
or force him to eat lima beans...
I will no longer act so mean!

I will be kind, I will be sweet!
I'll say hello to those I meet.
And I won't stomp on Joey's feet.
My resolution is complete."

On New Years Day she tried, she did.
She really, really, really, really,
really, really, really did.
It helped a lot that Joey hid.

By nine a.m. she'd tried to smother
her incessantly annoying brother,
and lied about it to her mother.
Poor Laura Tiffany Tate McSmother.


JaneyV said...

Another really nice voice! Yours is really gentle - I can't imagine you ever raising it.

You also have a great smile! and I smiled wide when you said "cut" at the end!

Whirlochre said...

This is great, Pete. Shame we can't see you.

pacatrue said...

Not the voice I imagined, but this is the voice you should have. And I know what I mean by that.

Robin S. said...


This is wonderful. Your voice is smooth and kind and intelligent. It matches your face.

And the poem's damn fine, too!

Kiersten White said...

Love the poem, enjoyed the voice ; ) You have a great voice for reading books to your children, and that's the best kind.

PJD said...

Thanks, everyone. I did (do) read a lot to my boys. All kinds of things. Not so much now that they're getting older. I read them the entire Harry Potter series... do you know how many different voices you have to maintain? Crikey.

jane--my wife thought the "cut" at the end ruined it. But I kind of liked it and besides, I have no way to edit these things. My old PC really sux, and I should get a new Mac. If I could win the lottery.

whirl--thanks! You only think it's a shame you can't see me. I will have to do a whole series of readings of the Marrow Moor series some day, and I'll make sure I'm visible in those.

paca... I'm not sure I understand, but I think I get it. Kind of like when people hear me call myself "Pete" they think I'm some burly construction worker with a big dog and a big pickup truck. Then they meet me and find I'm not. I only call myself "Pete" because my mouth is lazy and it's shorter than "Peter."

robin, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did it for you, after all. :-)

kiersten, you're too kind. Though I do very much enjoy reading to children. Some day when I'm rich and retired, I'll volunteer for story time at the library. (If, robin, we still have libraries and paper books! :-)

Natalie Whipple said...

I love the poem, and you have a great voice. I could totally tell that story to my little trouble maker.

Chris Eldin said...

You do have the perfect voice for reading bedtime stories to children!!
This is very nice!
What are you doing with all these poems? They need to be published.

PJD said...

natalie, thanks! I hope you do read it to your troublemaker. :-)

chris, I'd love to get these published in some sort of anthology. I know so little about the market for this type of thing.

If anyone reading this has contacts that could educate me, please let me know! peter at peterdudley dot com.

Bad Author said...

My original comment involved AFF and Kleenex, but I digress.

Cool little limerick.
I hope yopu get it published.

PJD said...

Thanks, arlyle. Don't all your comments involve AFF an Kleenex?

Robin S. said...

Yeah, Pete,I HOPE we still have paper books. I can't imagine not. It makes me shudder.

By the way - I thought the 'cut' at the end was nice.

Wonderwood said...

Hi Pete. Cool poem, and you have what I think of as a good guy voice. I bet your kids have the coolest dad in the neighborhood.

Shona Snowden said...

Is having a nice voice a qualification for our bloglot? Apparently so! Great voice, great poem.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Loved this, Pete. It was good hearing you!

LeslieLeigh said...

Pete, that was fantastic! You should really make an illustrated children's book out of this. BTW your reading voice is clear and animated--perfect for this type of piece!

I'm looking forward to hearing you read in person, if we can get it together soon--