thursday thirteen (#10)

Thirteen of my favorite "Guess The Plot" entries I've submitted to Evil Editor's blog. Evil Editor critiques query letters, and blog readers are given only the title in order to supply a brief potential plot summary. I love doing this because, well, it's fun, but also because it makes me try to conceptualize a premise that could support a novel and then distill it into just three or four sentences. Or it's an opportunity to be humorous. So far I've submitted around 140 GTP entries, about 75% of which Evil Editor found worthy of using. Remember, the titles are from allegedly real books people have written and are trying to get published. I didn't make 'em up. Blind Side Only a quarterback could truly love a left tackle. When the coach finds out just how much his QB Brad loves the left tackle Don--and just how hard Don works at covering Brad's blind side--he considers trading Don for a big tight end. Less Than Mighty During two weeks in drug rehab, Mediocre Mouse comes to realize that he does not need to live up to his older brother's reputation in order to find true love. From Gray Mists, Returned For fifty years librarian Millicent Bottomweather tsk-tsked when patrons claimed they had returned books which clearly they had not. Now, one foggy day in November, hundreds of goblins emerge from the mists to return the thousands of missing books. Will Millicent succeed in collecting their late fees? The Orphan Pearl An albino toddler washes up on the beach after a devastating storm in 1904 Okinawa. An aging fisherman suffers ostracism and prejudice when he raises her as his own child. Can she redeem his memory as an adult by saving the village? Worse Than Death Teenage techno-polkafunk band Steeped In Molasses is known throughout the region as the only band worse than their headbanging classmates, Death. The band nearly breaks up when Roxy wants to improve but Dale thinks they should try the William Hung route to stardom. Can their friendship survive the tension and the vampire drummer? Loving Yourself With Food Mike Daley and tech support phone rep Chi meet when Mike calls in to find out just what the DVD player manual means by "loving yourself with food." Will their language barrier keep them from true love? Like Running in Dreams You know how in a dream, when you really have to get somewhere and you try to run, and it's like slogging through neck-deep molasses? Reading this book is, yeah, kinda like that. The Zero It's 1941 meets Connecticut Yankee meets Ran as a Japanese fighter plane from World War II slips through a time warp and lands amid a Samurai war in fourth century Japan. A Disorder Peculiar to the Country Max Bling wants to spend a quiet weekend away from the busy city. He finds, however, that a sleepy upstate New York village is populated by a group of people with an odd speech impediment . . . and a common history tied to a shallow grave and a woman known only as "Bibibibilanoo." Eat The Document Mark thought he was instructing his secretary to "edit the document." But his faulty experimental speech recognition software has her chewing it up with her cottage cheese and grapefruit for lunch. Hilarity ensues until the two fall in love--she with his quirky instructions, and he with her zany behavior. Eat, Drink, and Be Married Patricia, single and nearing forty, her biological clock ticking like a suicide bomber's watch, begins to dabble in love potions. When she accidentally discovers the secret ingredient by spilling her potion into the pomegranate punch at the PTA's dinner-dance, hilarity ensues. A Perilous Reunion He's a gay prostitute to the rich and powerful. She's a genius ex munitions expert with a passion for social justice. Together, they're fraternal twins who were separated as kids in Houston's foster care system. An accident involving a broken heel, a spilled drink, and a craps table brings them together again. Now no one in Washington is safe. The Secrets of Harworth Castle Harworth Stillwell built a castle using a genius, groundbreaking architectural innovation never before seen and unlikely ever to be repeated. Too bad Harworth is four yeas old and the tide is coming in.

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