sweep! sweet!

Last Thursday night was our Cub Scout pack's Pinewood Derby. The scouts, with varying levels of help from parents, create pine cars of certain dimensions and weight, then race them. It is a lot of fun. This was Ethan's fourth year and Sam's first.

Unfortunately for them, their father has neither the patience or the skill to make really fast pine cars. You have to grind down the axels, get the weight exactly at 5.0 ounces, reduce the wind resistance, etc., etc. Just a lot of work that a 10-year-old has little patience for. And if he's not doing the work, then I'm not doing it for him.

Fortunately for them, the race committee also offers awards for best design (craftsmanship) and best design (originality). Part of the fun is to see the cars--many are exquisitely crafted and beautifully painted, glossed and sanded to a high sheen. Since their dad does not, however, have the patience to make a fast car, it follows that the dad also has little patience for creating beautifully crafted works of art.

Thank God we have originality as an option.

This year Ethan earned his second trophy for "most original design" for his PodRacer. Ethan's a Star Wars nut, and Episode One is his second favorite episode, even though it sucks. He also received his very first iPod for Christmas this year, so when I suggested a PodRacer with an iPod theme, he was all over it and designed the car you see pictured here.

In Sam's first year, the competition was a little easer. A Tiger Cub, Sam mostly had to compete against dads who had never been to a Pinewood Derby before and therefore were unaware of the Tiger Division's originality award. When I suggested to Sam that he do more of an art project for his car, he came up with the idea for The Campsite, and we had a lot of fun building it together. Getting the little Elmer's Glue marshmallows on the ends of the sticks was tricky but seems to have worked.

So it was a clean sweep--most original design trophies in both categories. Pretty sweet.

thursday thirteen (#3)

	Thirteen Songs I'd Be Embarrased to Admit Are On My PDA
"The Sign" by Ace of Base "With a Little Luck" by Wings "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner "Down Under" by Men At Work "It Can Happen" by Yes "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith "Intuition" by Jewel "Altamira Elegy" by Leda Atomica "Big C" by the University of California Marching Band "Tom Sawyer" by Rush "Hot Legs" by Rod Stewart "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon & Garfunkel "Bat Out of Hell" by Meatloaf

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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did I win yet?

Vote for me.

Click here and rate my chapter a "ten." Or don't. Actually, I don't much care. The Gather contest is well underway, and they have over 200 entries, I think. My chapter currently has a rating of 4.5 out of 10, and readers have been courteous enough to leave four somewhat helpful comments. I admit disappointment in the points total, but as I said earlier: I don't much care.

The voting and scoring really is a popularity contest for the most part. I entered because (a) it was free and (b) 25% of the manuscripts that move on are selected by the editorial panel, not by the vote totals. I certainly did not enter to get votes. I'm not sure anyone I know is even registered on Gather.

Anyway, if you are registered and would like to see my score go above 4.5, go to this page and vote: My Gather Contest Entry: Jumping The Stream

I'm off to Minneapolis in the morning for a turnaround business trip. It is the first step on my road through work hell over the coming few months. I am hoping I can continue to make progress on Forced Air during that time, but it's not looking hopeful.

thursday thirteen (#2)

Thirteen Quotations About Writing

Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. — Ernest Hemingway Writing [for the novelist] is not an activity, but a condition. That is why one simply can’t resume the work when one has a job and a free half-day. — Robert Musil Writing books is the closest men ever come to childbearing. — Norman Mailer The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business. — John Steinbeck Sometimes I think [my writing] sounds like I walked out of the room and left the typewriter running. — Gene Fowler I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. — Patrick Dennis No stile of writing is so delightful as that which is all pith, which never omits a necessary word, nor uses an unnecessary one. — Thomas Jefferson In writing and politicking, it’s best not to think about it, just do it. — Gore Vidal Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand. For all one knows, that demon is simply the same instinct that makes a baby squall for attention. — George Orwell Writing stopped being fun when I discovered the difference between good writing and bad and, even more terrifying, the difference between it and true art. And after that, the whip came down. — Truman Capote The writing of a poem is like a child throwing stones into a mineshaft. You compose first, then you listen for the reverberation. — James Fenton Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else. — Gloria Steinem Planning to write is not writing. Outlining … researching … talking to people about what you’re doing, none of that is writing. Writing is writing. — E L Doctorow

And, as a bonus, a revival of a post I made some time ago related to Evil Editor's remarks on brevity in writing.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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rainbows

Sunday had a chill, which for Walnut Creek means about fifty degrees. The tiger cubs (cub scouts) were playing hide and seek in the playground, when for some reason I looked straight up into the blue-blue sky and saw this:


I had never seen a rainbow straight above in the middle of a blue sky before. One of the other scout dads thought it was due to ice crystals high up in the atmosphere. Whatever caused it, I have to say it was amazing to see, and brilliant in both its brightness and richness of color.

Writing Update
Yesterday I sent Jumping The Stream to Gather's First Chapters competition. Although my submission has not yet made it up to the site, I see there are already 61 entries posted. I am not going to campaign for votes or encourage people to sign up for Gather just to vote for my novel. Feel free if you want to do so, however. After it gets posted, which should be within the next few days.

Candles on a Cold Night

I joined my first peace rally tonight, with M and the boys. I'd say about 250 or 300 people showed up, held candles, sang songs. We walked among the crosses on the hill and talked about what the memorial was about, what it meant that Americans were dying in Iraq, and what some of the signs and slogans meant. We listened to a woman talk lovingly about a young man whose photo was pasted to a cross. We marveled at the number of crosses (1,300) and then marveled that the actual body count is well north of twice that. We wondered what a large drawing of an eagle's head meant pasted on one of the crosses.

I am happy to say that although I suspect the politics of the crowd leaned somewhat anti-Bush, this was a peace rally, not an anti-Bush rally or even an anti-war rally. The talk and songs were about peace. When a driver passing by yelled "F**k Bush," the response was tepid. I think the mood was definitely pro-peace without a lot of politics rolled in.

Here are the pics:

thursday thirteen (#1)

Thirteen Places I've Been

Finland (Helsinki and Tampere) Japan (Tokyo) Germany (Frankfurt, Munich, and Hannover) England (London, York, Stratford-Upon-Avon, etc.) Scotland (Dumbarton and Edinburgh) Portugal (Lisbon and Evora) Mexico (Tijuana and Cabo San Lucas) Canada (Nova Scotia) France (Paris) Austria (Salzburg and Vienna) Continental USA (AZ, CA, CO, CT, DE, DC, FL, GA, IL, ME, MD, MA, MN, NV, NH, NJ, NY, NC, OR, PA, RI, SC, TX, UT, VT, VA, WA, WI) Hawaii, USA (Kauai) ... and I flew over the North Pole when I went to Finland. I guess that counts.

Most of those trips were paid for by one of the companies I worked for. I no longer travel overseas for work, though I've been all over the country for conferences recently. Every trip was fun. Some brief memories from some of them:

• Evora, Portugal: On the "outing" day arranged by our host, we toured this historic town and rode in hot-air balloons over the farmland and countryside. We huddled in a little farm shack when the rain hit, waiting for our chase car.
• Hannover, Germany: My first overseas trip for work, and although I made it all the way to Hannover, my luggage enjoyed an overnight in London. It was snowing when we arrived, and I had no coat, no shaving kit... basically nothing. Great parties at CeBIT, though... Annika, Heidi, and the other girl whose name I don't remember. Plus the beer hall at the CeBIT center. Enormous. Thousands of people singing some song about Alice ("Alice! Who the f*** is Alice?") along with an oompa band. Priceless.
• Tokyo, Japan: Our corporate liaison grew up in Japan. He went to college in North Carolina. We went to a restaurant with him that had no pictures on the menu. His translations went something like this: "I think that says 'chicken.' And that one definitely has an egg in it. This one... I don't know." Tokyo is the most foreign place I've ever been. In other countries at least I could attempt to sound out the words.
• Tampere, Finland: A seasoned world traveler by this time, I arrived in Tampere with no Finnish money. Silly me: I had assumed that the Tampere airport would have an exchange booth. It did, but the booth was closed that day. The girl in the coffee shop could not help me, but the taxi driver was happy to take US dollars. Everyone I met spoke English. Finland and Wisconsin look a lot alike to me, when you get outside the city. In Tampere, I enjoyed a true Finnish sauna with a coworker, taking breaks to jump in the lake. In Finland, a true Finnish sauna entails no clothing. Unfortunately, the coworker was male. (Side note: When I was there, the rage was TexMex. Finnish TexMex is not a cuisine experience to be sought out on purpose.)
  
• York, England: I love this city. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do. One thing I don't love about it is the Jorvic (pronounced "yor'-vik") Viking Museum. Oh, it had some neat things about it, but it really was incredibly cheesy.
  

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oh, so now I know

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Thanks to Written Wyrdd for the link.

mallapropisms

mallapropism: an incorrect price tag on an item in a store

There is an email going around crediting the Washington Post with a contest that challenges the entrants to take any word from the dictionary, create a new word by adding, subtracting, or changing a single letter, and supply a definition for that new word. Although I can not find any reference to this on the Washington Post's web site, I'm willing to believe the attribution. Below are the 2006 winners, according to the email that's going around like a flu virus in a day care center:

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating

Finally, some contributions to the list from me (not submitted to the contest):
meducation: self-diagnosis of fatal diseases by use of Google
poutside: where children are taken when they're being naughty in a restaurant
relinquash: to give a whining child the toy they want in order to get some peace and quiet
cornsider: to go into the cornfield to set 'n' ponder a while
harboor: the sailor who doesn't know proper sailing etiquette
iconfusion: not understanding what all those darned little pictures on the computer mean
vergitarian: someone who has almost decided to stop eating meat

(Yes, that first one, mallapropism, is mine as well.)

poetry and religion

A haiku I wrote.
Magnetic poetry rocks.
Blogging makes it so.

I think I got religion today [link]. I mean, how can you argue with the idea that the supreme being is a Flying Spaghetti Moster? Bonus: Heaven includes beer volcanoes as far as the eye can see, plus a stripper factory. And you get to call yourself a Pastafarian.

And all this time I thought religion was at the stem, if not the root, of all evil perpetuated in the world. Well, OK, maybe that's a bit harsh, but... well... yanno.

May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage.

aging sucks

After years of good health, I'm now besieged by niggling imperfections. I've been to the doctor's office three times in two months (OK, once was an annual physical), which is one more time than in the past six years. Worst, it's affecting my exercise. I'm off the soccer pitch for at least another two months with this knee thing, and I missed half of the season with foot and groin injuries. Good thing I got my MVP last year.

Another way aging sucks is that I can't keep up any more. Grownups used to joke about getting their seven-year-olds to program their VCRs. I'm not a total Luddite, I suppose, but in the last fifteen minutes I stumbled upon two different blogging memes (what a poetically constructed word for its meaning and for the blogosphere) that left me, like going to the skate park, both eager to participate and terrified that I might break my neck if I try.

Who has time to participate?

On the other hand, I gained a minor victory for being lampooned on another popular blog. An anonymous coward posted a satirical set of comments, including one from me. I'm terribly flattered. It means I've become recognizable at least one place in the blogosphere. That's enough for now; I'm sure, however, that everything will keep flowing past me at increasing speed until one day I'll find I'm asking my seven-year-old to program my new cell phone.

Aging sucks.

Writing Update
I have completed the first draft of my synopsis of Forced Air, though I must knock it down from six pages to five for the PNWA contest. I've got a good hook, and I've revised the first few pages to the point I think they're almost readable. I am hoping that in another week I'll have my PNWA entry ready for critique. If you're interested in critiquing it, let me know.

three thousand

... and STILL counting

pac-10 is pac oh-fer-three

Hopefully the Bears will stop the Pac-10's winless bowling streak this year. They have a difficult game, no doubt, and it won't be easy to be the first Pac-10 team to win a bowl this season. But they can do it. With only Oregon State vs Missouri and USC vs Michigan left, at best the Pac-10 can end up .500. A loss by the Bears tonight guarantees the Pac-10 will look like chumps when the fat lady sings.

I have not written anything significant in nearly two weeks due to holiday activities. I'm also back at work this week, with many year-end issues to wrap up. Argh. Still, I am feeling good about hitting the PNWA contest deadline with a quality entry.

letter to Santa

speeding ticket!

Bend, Oregon is a friendly place. Lots of people being courteous and smiley. I counted no fewer than three pretty girls smiling at me yesterday (not including shop clerks, which are obligated to do so). Of course, it might have had something to do with the new jacket that Maria bought me, which makes me look sort of like that gay cowboy (the blonde one) in Brokeback Mountain.

Anyway, the mountains are beautiful, but I don't really dig the high desert in the winter. It's got that dirty feel with sand all over the roads and crusty, white dust coated on all the cars, and people bundled up in hats and gloves and bulky jackets. Mud in the afternoon, crunchy ice in the evening. I can imagine it's gorgeous in the summer, and I can't wait to come back then.

But I like the area. It feels much more real and down to earth than Walnut Creek. Not so much new money, not so much financial pressure, not so much judgment in the way people look at you. At least, that's my first impression of Bend. Favorable.

Vacation's been enjoyable. We've spent a lot of time with the friends we've come to visit and will see them even more in the next few days. Today we go to the High Desert Museum. Yesterday we xmas shopped downtown. The condo we're renting is huge and quite nice out at Eagle Crest. Friday we'll day-trip to see relatives in Eugene. All quite a nice break from the "reality" of work.

what tarot card am I?

You are The Hierophant
Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching. All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

Thanks to Written Wyrdd for the link.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

remembering and pondering

Yesterday was Perl Harbor Day, a day that will live in infamy. I did put out the flag, but I neglected to blog something about it. As we close in on nearly 3,000 American military deaths in Iraq, I think it is important to think of what happened back in 1941.

On that day, the US military lost about 3,100 soldiers (some died in the days after the attack due to injuries suffered on the 7th). Compare this to the 2,925 American military deaths in the Iraq war so far, and you get a sense of the devastation caused that day, particularly to the Navy and Marines. Then consider that the Iraq war in August became a longer conflict than the American part of World War II in Europe (that is, from the day of the Iraq invasion until mid August was the same number of days between Dec 7, 1941 and VE Day).

A WWII veteran lives on my street, and he was 25 when he heard of the attacks on the radio. Within days, his draft papers showed up in the mail. He said he could have gotten out of service on a work exemption, but he went. Eighteen months of training in San Francisco, Missouri, and Florida, followed by deployment to England.

If you did not take a moment on December 7th to think about the attach on Pearl Harbor, take a few moments now. Whatever your thoughts, take a few moments to focus on Pearl Harbor and what it did, what it caused.

3,100 soldiers killed in that attack
2,996 people killed or missing in the 9/11 attacks
2,925 soldiers killed in Iraq (so far)

An estimated 214,000 deaths in the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
An estimated 50,000 civilian deaths in the Iraq war so far

And still people criticize someone for putting a Peace Wreath on their house during the Christmas season. Will we ever learn?

O, O, O! Merry Solstice!

Now this is a good idea.

why does it make you uncomfortable?

I saw a memorial on my train ride home yesterday. A large number of white crosses occupied a visible hill in Lafayette, CA, accompanied by a sign that said the crosses were placed there in memory of American soldiers killed in Iraq. Apparently, it has caused quite a stir because some think the memorial is more of a political statement than an actual memorial.

Recently, I read of a woman in Colorado who was going to be fined $25 a day by her homeowners association because she wanted to put up a Christmas wreath. It wasn't just any wreath; it was in the shape of a peace symbol. Other residents complained that the Peace Wreath was an anti-war statement. They said that they worried that if they allowed it, they'd have to allow all kinds of political and social statements to be put up in their neighborhood.

God forbid that we allow freedom of speech on private land. God forbid that anyone actually would want there to be more peace in the world.

Regarding the crosses in Lafayette: Critics of the memorial say that it's just liberals using the tragedy of death to make a political statement. Huh. I don't recall that ever being illegal. In fact, I seem to recall our very own president referring to the tragic deaths of the 9/11 bombings to his own political gains--again, and again, and again. He also invoked the memory of the first 1,000 soldiers killed in Iraq in order to quiet war critics, saying that leaving Iraq at that time would be a cowardly disgrace to their memory.

Regardless, you can argue the aesthetics of such a memorial and the taste of such a political statement all you want. Bad taste does not make something illegal. Unpopularity also does not make it illegal. The people trying to get Lafayette to take down the crosses should learn a lesson from President Bush: When Cindi Sheehan's supporters camped on private property near Bush's ranch in Crawford, TX, Bush did not try to expel them. Instead, he ignored them, which was proper, all things considered. The critics of the Lafayette memorial have every right to criticize the memorial vociferously and energetically, to argue their points, to put up counter-memorials or whatever. What they don't have a right to do is declare anti-war statements illegal. The free speech laws exist to protect the existence of unpopular opinions. When unpopular opinions are outlawed, only outlaws will have unpopular opinions.

Regarding the wreath wrath: Unfortunately, the homeowners association probably has a right to compel the removal of the wreath. Such is life in a neighborhood governed by small-minded people, when you voluntarily sign on to obey their rules. I hope the other residents relent, however, as the symbol of peace should always (in my opinion) be welcomed. The owner has said that it is not an anti-Bush statement or even an anti-war statement. She said she wants to make a positive statement in support of peace rather than any negative, anti-anything statement. Put in that light, the homeowners association looks like pro-war, anti-peace neanderthals. In fact, they look downright anti-Christian as well, considering the message of every Christmas sermon I've ever attended has been peace on earth and goodwill toward men.

But the critics of the cross memorial in Lafayette should stop and think a minute about why it makes them uncomfortable to see it. They can say it's offensive because it uses tragedy for political gain. That means that either they're upset about the political gain or they're upset by the deaths. If they're upset by the political gain, they should ask themselves why 2,900 American soldiers dead does not upset them. If they're upset about the deaths, they should ask themselves why they would want to hide those upsetting deaths, ignore them, bury them without understanding the war's true cost.

They should ask themselves what about the memorial truly makes them uncomfortable, truly upsets them. And then they should take a long, hard look at the answer. Then, and only then, they should decide whether they want to protest its existence.

We want The Axe!

This year's Big Game is expected to be so lopsided that some Cal fans are actually bemoaning how it might ruin the tradition of the series. Screw that, I say. Things go in cycles, and Stanford is in a down cycle while Cal is in an up cycle. I am riding the joy because I know it will cycle back some day. It's the nature of college sports. With scholarship limitations and having to turn over the entire roster every five years, teams tend not to be too down or too up for too long.

All that said, time to revel in Stanford's state of abject woefulness while we have it.

The Bears are a 29 point favorite, and the over-under is 46 points. That means the bookies don't give Stanford much chance to score more than, say, a couple of field goals or maybe a kickoff return for a touchdown. Given the strength of Cal's kicking game, it is quite possible that Stanford not only doesn't score, but that they might not even make an appearance in Cal's end of the field.

OK, OK, Cal lost to Arizona. The difference: Arizona isn't all that bad. They were, but then they got their quarterback back from injury, and they matured. They beat Cal, Oregon, and WSU in a string. It is possible that Stanford could start their own string tomorrow. But don't count on it.

Stanford has improved in the second half of the season. In the first half, they were giving up a laughable 455 yards per game. Now, though, they've trimmed that to a respectable 315 yards per game in the last five games. Stanford's nonconference slate included bowl-bound San Jose State, Navy, and BCS-bound Notre Dame. Their only win was a 20 to 3 dismantling of the Washington Huskies on the road on November 11th. The following week they returned to form to get blasted by an Oregon State squad that had just lost at UCLA.

Statistically, Stanford is last in the conference in seven of eight major categories. They have the dead-last offense and are awful at defense except in passing yards per game, where they are a surprising #2 in the conference. This may be due to the fact, however, that teams have run so successfully on the Cardinal that they haven't had to pass. Opponents have rushed 486 times against Stanford for 4.9 yards per carry. Compare that to the rest of the league, which on the whole average 382 running plays by opponents. Meanwhile, the Cardinal's opponents have attempted only 294 passes; the other 9 pac-10 teams have faced an average of 357 passes. Basically, Stanford's opponents get so far ahead that they spend the second half of the game running the ball to kill the clock. And they do it successfully. (Stanford averages 4:20 less in possession time than their opponents.)

It's almost pointless to go deeper into the stats. Stanford went a month without an offensive touchdown at one point. They average 10.0 points per game, second-worst in division 1-A. They give up nearly 32 points per game, worst in the Pac-10 by far. Cal is the highest-scoring offense in the league at 32.4 ppg, but the defense has given up 20.4. Good but not stellar. Facing a woeful offense like Stanford's, Cal's defensive speed should dominate.

When the Bears do go to the air, they bring the league's second most efficient passing attack. Stanford's pass defense efficiency is terrible, 9th in the Pac-10. They allow 62% completion (worst by far) and have given up 13 TDs to just 7 interceptions. While 13 passing TDs is pretty good, the 7 interceptions is very low... and the TDs are offset by the fact that Stanford has given up 26 rushing TDs, which is 8 more than the second-worst in that category. Half the league has given up 11 or fewer rushing TDs on the season. Stanford's 26 is a real head-shaker. Teams don't have to pass for touchdowns; they just run the ball in.

An interesting comparison is that Stanford is not the worst in the league in yards given up per play. The worst is... California. Cal gives up 5.8 yards per play on average, while Stanford gives up 5.5. Both are awful (4.9 or better would be considered good).

Perhaps the biggest bane to Stanford this year (besides injuries) has been turnovers. Stanford is dead last (again) in the Pac at -10 overall. Only Oregon has fared as poorly. The Bears sit fourth in the league at +5.

A glance at one of the stats pages from this week's Pac-10 football release tells a compelling story. Of the twelve statistical tables on the page, Stanford is last in nine of them (Turnover margin, first downs, opponent first downs, 3rd-down conversion, opponent 3rd-down conversion, sacks by, sacks against, field goals, and PAT kicking) and 9th in one (pass defense efficiency). The two tables where they are not at the bottom relate to penalties. Stanford is the league's least penalized team, and Stanford's opponents get penalized about an average amount of time.

Stanford is also last in red zone offense, appearing there just 22 times this season and scoring only SIX touchdowns. Compare that to the next-worst team, Arizona, with 29 appearances and fifteen touchdowns. This means that of Stanford's 11 offensive touchdowns, five were scored from outside the red zone. I don't think the Bears will give up any of those on Saturday; the team speed on defense is astounding.

The Bears have 22 red zone TDs in 35 appearances. This means that Cal has scored 17 touchdowns from outside the red zone. The Bears have as many red zone touchdowns as Stanford has red zone appearances, and Cal has scored nearly as many outside-the-red-zone TDs as Stanford has red zone appearances. Yikes. Talk about a discrepancy.

On the other side, Stanford's red zone defense is just as bad. Their opponents have shown up in the red zone a whopping 53 times and scored an eye-popping 34 touchdowns while visiting. Compare to Cal, who have allowed opponents into their red zone only 29 times overall and have given up only 14 touchdowns on those tries. An interesting thing is that Stanford has given up only five offensive touchdowns this year from outside their red zone. This, of course, is in keeping with the idea that teams tend to run the ball successfully at the Cardinal. Run a lot, and you're likely to end up inside the 20 at some point. In addition, it's interesting to see that of the 34 TDs they've given up inside the red zone, 24 are rushing TDs. This means that they give up more rushing TDs from within the red zone than the number of times their offense has appeared in the opponent's red zone.

Are we getting the picture yet?

Here's a cool stat: Cal has made 44 of 44 PAT kick attempts. Stanford has attempted just 13 and made only 11. Egads.

Another: Stanford has kicked off just 27 times. Eliminate 11 for having to kick off at least once each game to start a half, and you're left with 16 scores in 11 games. The Bears have kicked off 65 times, which makes 54 scores in 11 games. Holy smokes.

No wonder the point spread is 29.

The good news for the Cardinal, and the tough call for those considering wagering on the game, is that the Bears already have their bowl invitation sewn up. They can't improve by running up the score. There is only the need to win the game and to get all the seniors on the field at some point. If the Bears take a big lead into the second half, expect to see second- and third-string players the rest of the way. Running up the score is not coach Tedford's style, and it serves no valuable purpose in this game. So, while I'd like to see Cal hang a hundred on the ailing Cardinal, it ain't gonna happen.

Final score: Cal 49, Stanford 6.

Go Bears!