January 4, 2008

Fiction Friday: be it resolved

This Week’s Theme: What is the first New Year’s Resolution your character breaks? How soon? Why?

Laura Tiffany Tate McSmother
had it in for her little brother.
She'd punch one arm and then the other
and run away when he'd tell mother.

Oh, She was cruel and she was sly.
She'd pull his hair and make him cry,
then pour Tabasco in his eye,
and whisper "Joey, Mamma hopes you die."

When Christmas time approached this year,
and Santa asked if she'd been dear,
she said, "You bet your big, fat rear,"
and grinned all toothy, ear to ear.

But Santa must have seen her soul
cuz in her stocking he left coal.
She wept into her breakfast bowl
and vowed herself a New Year's Goal.

"I won't set Joey's hair afire
or call my little brother 'liar'
or wrap him up in fishing wire
or tie him to the pickup's tire.

I won't paint his favorite teddy green
or switch his juice for gasoline
or force him to eat lima beans...
I will no longer act so mean!

I will be kind, I will be sweet!
I'll say hello to those I meet.
And I won't stomp on Joey's feet.
My resolution is complete."

On New Years Day she tried, she did.
She really, really, really, really,
really, really, really did.
It helped a lot that Joey hid.

By nine a.m. she'd tried to smother
her incessantly annoying brother,
and lied about it to her mother.
Poor Laura Tiffany Tate McSmother.

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Unknown said...

Very nice! This reminds me a great deal of Shel Silverstien, and this would make a great poem for a kids book. Poor Laura? I say poor Joey!

lissa 07 said...

I like it. It's playful and a fun read. Though I do pity Laura for getting coal for christmas.

P said...

She got what she deserved!

Brilliant, very witty. I'm not familiar with Shel Silverstien, any recommendations for where to start?

Anonymous said...

I like, I like!

But why do bad girls (and strippers and no-talent teenage pop singers for that matter) have to have the name Tiffany? (Maybe I'm a little overly sensitive on this subject.)

To Paul, Light in the Attic or Where the Sidewalk ends are both good Silverstein collections.

Your poem also reminds me of the work of Jack Prelutsky (The Dragons Are Singing Tonight).

Nice work! I also like the Haikus from the previous post.

Anonymous said...

Very Shel-ish and very well done.

PJD said...

Sorry, Tiffany. Nothing personal on the name thing. It's just what happened to come out when I put fingers to keyboard. And for those unfamiliar with the venerable Silverstein, his web site is here

Anonymous said...

I was smiling from the first line. It made me think of the children's rhyme that begins with James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree..., although that was about a child of a completely different character. I think the contrast made it even funnier. I agree that this would be a wonderful inclusion in any book of children's poetry. Thank you. I really enjoyed it!

Megan said...

I love this! You and I will get along swimmingly...

Thanks for stopping by the blog today and commenting. I shall return to see what you have in store.

Anonymous said...

I am with square one - I immediately thought of Shel Silverstien (paul - start with _Where the Sidewalk Ends_).

Btw - like the new look of the blog (aren't loving it yet? you'll figure out how to fix that cause you've got skillz) and I LOVE the new car. AND, I love the profile pic!

Chris said...

Simply brilliant!!! There is nothing more to add, because it was simply brilliant.

Jodi Cleghorn said...

This is a riot! I'd love to read this to my son - though don't want to plant any stray thoughts in his head for when a sibling may come along.

The pace, the rhyme - there was nothing not t like ... well other than our little anti-heroine!

And I remember the threats of coal from Santa - my Dad told us Santa gave him coal one year, so we utterly believed it!

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

absolutely wonderful and agreed. silverstien has a run for his money! great job! :)

Keith's Ramblings said...

What can I say - this piece had it all. Marvellous.

Anonymous said...

Poor, poor Miss McSmother... :), the name fits to the dot :) Thank you, loved the rhyme

Ada [The Duchess] said...

Holly cow...that was so rivetting and yet...I cringed over some of the things she did. Very cool.