June 26, 2013

You got me all wrong. See? I have an earring. (blog post)

Today is my birthday, and I am very disappointed in you all. I only wanted one thing for my birthday. Just one thing. And you couldn't find it within yourself to do that one little thing? Just look:

See that? It says 44 reviews. All I wanted was 50 reviews by my birthday. Was that so hard to do? I gave you more than two months. But I won't hold it against you. I know you're busy. It's the thought that counts, right? I'll just keep telling myself that.

OK, sorry. Maybe I'm just cranky because I reluctantly joined a new demographic today. No, it has nothing to do with the Supreme Court's smack-down of DOMA and Prop 8... I'm still married to my wife of 23 years. Instead, it has to do with turning 46 years old. Most surveys that ask your age, I've noticed, use these categories: under 25, 26-35, 36-45, and "really old." I might have to stop taking online surveys.

Yes, recently I started wearing a diamond stud in my left ear after letting it sit in a drawer for 20 years. (The earring, I mean, not the ear.) I am here to tell you that my new old earring is not a response to a midlife crisis. Some people might think that I'm desperately trying to recreate my past in a pathetic attempt to stay young. While this may be true, it is not a midlife crisis. It's a statement of individuality.

How long are you going to make me wait before you stop laughing?

Seriously. This one little thing might make someone question their first impression of me. Balding, middle aged, straight, white male working for a Big Bank and wearing a pinstripe suit to a city department board meeting. Any guesses what that guy's political leanings are?

Now add an earring. See? It makes all the difference, doesn't it? Okay, maybe not, but at least now you're wondering if the guy is gay because you can't remember if left ear means "gay" or "behind the times." (But of course he's not gay because look at those awful shoes.)

So really it's all about breaking down stereotypes and disassociating myself from what is coming to be the common portrayal of my demographic: misogynistic, homophobic, racist, aristocratic hypocrites. I mean that's the portrayal these days. It's not my actual demographic. I'm none of those things, and I hate that people who don't know me might assume it.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

And because I feel like including a few links:
Still mad as hell
Also, a vampire.

And just in case you feel like giving me a nice birthday present after all:
Just click here to write your review now.