September 14, 2009

Thousands flock to hear reading of "Unlucky Twenty-Six"

WASHINGTON, DC--A flash mob gathered thanks to the power of social networking when it was learned that a blog reader who stumbled upon The Unlucky Twenty-Six decided to read from the macabre and humorous compilation on the steps of the United States Capitol on September 13, 2009.

News of the reading spread quickly, thanks to the power of Twitter, Facebook, and drunk dialing. Eyewitness reports placed the crowd in the dozens, if not millions. This photo, taken from above as the crowd was only just gathering and before it really got rocking, underestimates the vast magnitude, rivaled only by the tens of millions that gathered on September 12th at the teary-eyed pleading of Glenn Beck to bring tea bags to the White House lawn. (These people also are known as Morans.)

One member of the crowd, Herman Snodgrast from Palm Desert, California, was unimpressed. "The sound system sucked, man. I could barely hear the dude." Snodgrast had positioned himself near the base of the Washington Monument. He added, "My little sister could have read that better. They shoulda got Hayden Christensen to read it."

Snodgrast and others were unimpressed with the reading of Adolf Wilder, whose nasal, whiny voice carried across the crowd like the screech of a seagull with emphysema. Patricia Blain from Laramie, Wyoming was Wilder's lone supporter. "It was a different interpretation, and it really made me think," she said. "Wilder is an artist, and clearly this mob does not understand the full depth of Wilder's reading. He brought something unique to this most awesome compendium of cautionary tales."

Peter Dudley, the compilation's author, was unavailable for comment. His publicist, ten-year-old Sam, spoke on his behalf. Sam said, "He's in the bathroom. I think he drank too much whiskey again. OK, bye."

Flash mobs have been known to grow exponentially even after they've dispersed thanks to the magic of compound interest. When one person twitters a falsehood (for example, "There were a million people protesting Obama on September 12"), ten people who are interested then tweet it themselves. Those people want other people to be interested in them, so they pass along an even bigger number so their tweet can be more impressive than the one they received. Soon, the size of the crowd on the White House lawn (originally around 60,000 or so) is believed to be larger than the entire population of India.

Economics guru and professor Richarde Reiche said that the phenomenon is also known in technical jargon as "idiots with amplifiers," and there's little doubt that that would be a good name for a rock group. "One other thing that this situation illustrates, which can not possibly be emphasized enough," Reiche added, "is that The Unlucky Twenty-Six is perhaps the most stunningly important piece of literature we shall see in the entire century, perhaps the entire millennium."

Wilder could not be reached for comment. When he finished his reading, he was swept away by a throng of scantily clad, buxom women believed to be from Paramus, New Jersey. He has not been seen or heard from since.


McKoala said...

Totally wish I could have been there.

jjdebenedictis said...

I was there, man! Did you see me waving? I was on the left, near the back.

Hella expensive getting flights from Canada at the last minute, I'll have you know.

Tiffany said...

Did the flash mob break out in a synchronized dance? I love it when they do that!

JaneyV said...

Have you got over your hangover yet? Whiskey is a devil for searing headaches.

I would've loved to hear Mr Wilder's nasal interpretation of C is for Charlie...

Sarah Laurenson said...

Is Hayden Christensen still the draw he used to be?

HaHa. This was a wonderful post!