April 26, 2010

too much salt? not enough salsa!

Brazil has leapfrogged California.  No, not economically.  According to Wikipedia, California's Gross State Product (GSP) is $1.8 trillion compared to Brazil's $1.5 trillion Gross Domestic Product.  (Personally, I think California's grossest state product is asparagus, but that's not my point.)

My point is that Brazil now has the coolest government.  We already knew they had the best beachware, but now Brazil's health minister is urging the country to cut down their high blood pressure.  While we here in the US fret about things like salt intake, Brazil is pushing exercise, from dancing to sexual intercourse.  (I'm guessing that the reason the rate of high blood pressure rose in 2009 in Brazil is because of the minister's announcements.  If I knew the government and the health industry were behind me, I'd do everything I could to juice up my blood pressure right before my doctor appointment.  You know, to get the prescription.)

Back in 2003 we had a choice to make in California.  Our governor was kicked out, and we had 135 candidates on the slate in the special election.  Eventually we selected The Terminator, who has proved to be mostly inoffensive.  That's about the best I can say for him.  We thought it would be totally cool to have a kick-ass actor as governor again.  Harken back to the time when Dutch was governor.  A tough guy for tough times, a real Americ... um, tough guy that understands guns and manly modes of transportation such as horses and motorcycles.

Me, I hoped we'd go a different film star route.  I hoped we would follow Italy's lead.  In 1987, a full 16 years earlier, Italy saw the wisdom of electing a former porn star to Parliament.  Cicciolina, a Hungarian born porn star, in 2002 failed to win an election for mayor in an Italian city.  I am sure defeat was hard for her to swallow.  Maybe, had she won, we would have had ridden her tail--um, coattails--to a victory of our own.

Yes, we had our very own ex-porn star running for governor of California, the eighth largest economy in the world.  Mary Carey, a former ballet dancer and current porn star, ran on an 11-point platform that included making lap dances tax deductible.  Carey promises to run for President of the United States when she turns old enough (35).  According to Wikipedia, she will be eligible for that position the 2016 election.  And why shouldn't she?  She's already familiar with all the other positions politicians engage in.

If only we'd elected Carey, we'd still be ahead of Brazil.  Plus, when a porn star urges more sexual activity, it feels authentic.  When a regular old health minister does it, it seems... doctory.  Like the old guy with cold hands that tells you to turn your head and cough.  I'd much rather hear it from Carey.  Plus, I'm sure she's very familiar with politics since, being a California based porn star, she is likely familiar with the club at which the RNC hosted some, um, "meals."  Which means she's probably heard a lot of political chit-chat through the years while she was working.

California's loss may be Louisana's gain.  Porn star Stormy Daniels is preparing to run for Senate against disgraced Republican David Vitter.  I dearly hope she wins.  I'm considering moving to Louisiana just to vote in this election.  How a Senator can co-sponsor a constitutional amendment to protect marriage, then get caught with his pants down like he did... and still be electable is a big question.  And now that he's running against a porn star.  It just doesn't get any better than that.

God bless America!  (And Brazil a little bit, too.)

PS:  Be sure to keep your salt intake low.  And get your blood pressure checked regularly.


fairyhedgehog said...

I'm chuckling away here.

We've got elections coming up soon - but no porn stars.

JaneyV said...

Those women certainly know how to put the funbags into politics. Not sure they'd be very good for reducing hypertension though!

I'm all for having more sex and salsa myself and if they could also condone afternoon naps and a three-day weekend - I envisage the blood pressure of the nation would reduce over night.

Great post Peter!

jjdebenedictis said...

I think Zach Ephron should run for office. Preferably shirtless, because running works up a sweat.

Daily Panic said...

salsa and sex- I'd be for that if i had someone to workout with, that may work for some but not for all...
as some say "Sex sells" because a lot of folks are buying it!

Ta-tas for votes!

Laurel said...

OH. MY. I did know about the porn star on the ballot in CA but not in LA. The LA chick totally gets my vote, though.

An elected official for the state of Louisiana who goes by the name Stormy. You can't make that up.

Plus, I'm not entirely sure that there should not be more porn stars in politics. There is a frank mercenary quality to them that is refreshing and much more transparent that the sort of screwing for money thing that normally besmirches the halls of government the world over.