Here in California, we have a lot of fake boobs. We also have a lot of things that create fake happiness. Napa offers wine, Marin offers marijuana, and Genentech offers Valium. These mind altering substances offer a brief illusion of happiness but do not actually make people happy. Fake boobs may or may not make certain people happy, for real.
Back in 2005, ABC aired a story about a new trend: parents giving their children boob jobs for high school graduation. Presumably, the gift was limited to daughters. But again, this is California, so anything's possible. The best line from this story:
The gift of breast implants costs about $7,000. "But I don't think you can put really a price on your child's happiness," [Jennifer's mom] said.That's right. No price is too high for our child's happiness because, you know, money can buy happiness. If the Jaguar doesn't do it for you, maybe a nice rack will. If that doesn't work, maybe Xanax is for you.
Here in our very own elementary school, my younger son acted and sang in the school play. He was a cardsman in Alice in Wonderland, and although it wasn't a starring role, he had several lines and loved every minute of it. By all accounts, the play was a smashing production, and I agree. Really well done, with some terrific performances. Around the last week of rehearsals, though, I heard an ugly rumor that some of the little girls (these are 10 and 11 year olds) had begun taking anti anxiety medication because of the pressure of this play. This wasn't about boobs, of course.
retailer in the UK was recently forced to pull a product from its shelves. The product? Bikinis for girls younger than 10 years old. Bikinis with padded bras, for girls younger than 10 years old. The article notes an anonymous source with a possibly reasonable explanation for this, but really. Come on. Really?
Padded bras for little girls? Women stealing money to get boob jobs? Children taking anti anxiety medication to make it through the school play? Parents buying their daughters new boobs to create self esteem?
What the cuss has happened to us?
At least this lady knows how to teach her son proper values. If he's gonna steal the Xanax she hid in her bra, she's gonna turn him in to the cops. Talk about looking for happiness in the bottom of a D cup.